Introduction
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Owner of 'The Lady Detective Agency', Rebecca Jane says dinner with someone of the opposite sex is disrespectful to your partner, and unnecessary. But columnist and broadcaster Martin Daubney says he has no problem with his wife going out for dinner with other men, and says it even keeps him on his toes!
Broadcast on 04/04/2017
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Video
This is nice, it's real divided opinion.
First of all, what wait keep it on? Keep you on your toes marking.
Well, first of all, yeah.
When I first heard this I thought it was like some sort of ick Torian throwback.
Now that women aren't allowed to have lives or you know it's disrespectful or it's mistrusting I, just think that it's a healthy thing to do a in business.
You know in this day and age there are so many women managers and I.
Think you know if you don't schmooze, you lose I, encourage my missus to to go out with that.
I had to have to work with a lot of her bosses of mail, so go for it now get involved network.
That's great they're! On a personal side, I often go out with my mates, wives, for example.
After the school run, you know it kind of goes into it.
Not in that way, you've got laughs, go to the pub with with the kid, and then they might go back and babysit super-expensive.
So why should both of us -? One of us stays out with our friends and that's perfectly healthy.
So next century our social life, and if she goes out with guys I, think well I better keep my myself and show you better keep myself.
You know looking good because you know to give them the trust.
You need to make sure that they've got something, but they want to because they've never been a moment where there has been there's one particular guy, and you thought really you worried about that.
One yeah we, my wife, is a very beautiful, lady and and men flirt with it that doesn't bother me I trust, her I'm, not a jealous type.
All this to me strikes off that we do.
This I think it's almost always one partner, maybe the bloke saying actually I don't want you to do that.
I think it's controlling I think control freak ER at the very highest order.
It's unhealthy, unhealthy, I, still Rebecca I didn't hear you sing that effect ago, that with his friends, wives and but yeah I, don't see any particular need or necessary reason to do.
That.
I mean you're, saying that you do it to keep you on your toes.
Why do you need to be kept on your toes, also I'm going to say: do you have absolutely no jealously your wife goes out for dinner, an intimate dinner with somebody of the opposite sex and you have absolutely no jealousy no I.
Do, though, I think there's an issue there.
Why? Because they trust each other I thought think is about a level of trust.
I.
Think it's about a level of respect and I think that in any healthy relationship, jealousy is actually partly a good thing.
I know that I've been in a relationship where I absolutely has zero jealousy that wasn't right.
It just wasn't right.
Somebody once said to me: if you're not a little bit of psycho about somebody, it's just not okay, I, agree.
I agree, miss girl runs a detective.
A yeah has come out of this.
The cases that you've been on has it been increased, or did you always have these feelings? Um I have not always had these feelings.
I'm not going to sit here and profess to be some kind of Saint by anybody's stretch of imagination.
That is not accurate, but what I can say is that essentially I just think that there needs to be a level where you are actually concerned about somebody, because thingy shows that you care to an extent if you were okay with your partners going out and doing whatever they want.
I think it just raises bigger questions, but there's also the question of temptation.
You know: is it okay to just sort of go out there and is it? Is it part of a bigger picture, a bigger jigsaw puzzle? Let me tell you where all this started, there's, certainly what sparked our trap.
This morning, over the weekend, the Washington Post published a biographical piece about Karen pence and during the interview she brought to light a comment that Mike Pence had made in 2002, suggesting that it was completely inappropriate to dine with the opposite sex or go to an event where you consumed alcohol without your partner by your side.
So that's the first time we've mentioned the influence of alcohol in this.
So if you just go out- and you are obviously people go out- have meetings or they you know- maybe they someone's upset and is going to sit on a park bench and we'll chat map through another weather.
That's okay! For you to do that with a member of the opposite sex, but is it different if there is alcohol? Well, personally, speaking I'm pretty much virtually a t-tail if I don't particularly drink alcohol? However, I do know a lot of people that alcohol does have a factor in what they do and it like I say, is part of a bigger jigsaw puzzle.
It's just like the little pieces that all come together that make a bigger picture, and you know temptations going out for an intimate dinner.
What can you achieve over an intimate dinner with somebody that you can't achieve by a normal sort of working environment meeting or going for coffee with them really? Well, because you get more time you get more one-on-one face, oh I'm, Tippi with a boss.
You know you know you get time to air your issues and ensure that your agenda is on the table.
Not just dinner, what doesn't have to be a romantic dinner.
I mean dinner these days, you look at Nando's, that's all I click minuses, you know you really.
What is it's worth fortunate Mike Pence is also a born-again evangelical.
Christian I mean that statement does come across like some from prohibition.
Right really, it is feel like I feel to lay down these laws actually shows a lack of respect.
You're saying shows respective geology, I think a lack of respect to not trust.
No, no, no! It's not about trust, not very agree with them.
No, because I think you can completely trust somebody's just do you really want your partner going out people who know you seeing them and saying I hate to dinner with another woman? What does that mean? Well, I.
Think that's a nice I think that depend on the circumstances.
Don't you we were talking about.
Yeah we've discussed this most of the morning, a cup of tea this morning.
Writing me saying: please do well.
No I said: please can I tell everybody.
When we went out for dinner, we were both filming.
We were away in Northern Ireland.
We were filming and Phil and I went out to dinner together because we were filming there in another place together.
It would be strange if we didn't have dinner together.
You must see, see odd finish it off.
Okay, we're in earth throwing up all over caboose I got toys.
Now.
Oh I got the food points so the one moment it actually happened, I, let myself down so bad, we're in the oyster bar where we're never yeah yeah.
That's what happens so you know you never know.
What's going to happen, you.
FAQs
What to do when you catch your husband checking out another woman? ›
Tell him how that behavior makes you feel. Ask him directly, “When you look at other women, do you ever wonder if I'm looking at them?” If he says yes, then ask him to stop. If he refuses to stop, then say that's not okay with you and tell him what will happen if he keeps on doing it.
Should I contact the woman my husband cheated with? ›It's your call to take!
In some cases, reaching out may give you clarity, as well as an opportunity to tell the unknowing affair partner that your spouse is, in fact, involved in a marriage. In other cases, contacting the person your spouse cheated with creates additional drama and makes your hurt feelings even worse.
When you do find out that someone you're involved with is married or otherwise committed, the immediate urge is to tell their partner. Some of it may be outrage or jealousy; some of it may be a desire to do the right thing. Morally, telling the betrayed partner is the right thing to do.
How do I talk to my husband about another woman? ›- Learn as much as you can about this other woman. ...
- Try to see things from his perspective. ...
- Understand the context of the conversation. ...
- Don't blame yourself. ...
- Get to the bottom of the situation. ...
- Don't lead with accusations. ...
- Tell your husband how you feel. ...
- Take the wait and watch approach.
To be clear, checking out attractive people — rubbernecking every time a beautiful woman comes into view — is not cheating. There are plenty of forms of non-sexual cheating: Emotional infidelity by text, emails with a passionate pen pal, or a recurring coffee date where you get deep into feelings.
Is it OK for your partner to check out other people? ›Ever been sharing a romantic moment with a partner only for them to check out another person right in front of you? For some couples it's harmless, for others it can be a cause for tension in the relationship. It turns out that it's completely normal, and is something we're evolutionarily wired to do.
Is texting another woman while married cheating? ›Emailing and texting might not be physical cheating, but that doesn't mean you're free of blame. It could still be considered emotional infidelity a.k.a emotional cheating. And if you or your partner aren't emotionally committed to each other then you have to take a serious look at the future of your relationship.
What is emotional cheating in a relationship? ›Broadly, emotional infidelity describes a situation in which an individual in a relationship develops an important emotional connection with someone other than their partner, in a way that crosses a line without necessarily becoming physical.
Should I confront the other woman my husband is texting? ›Should I confront my cheating spouse? Talk to him about it, but stay calm. If you know for sure that your husband has been sending inappropriate texts, it's definitely a good idea to sit down and have a serious conversation about it. However, as angry as you might be, try to keep things civil.
Is it wise to confront the other woman? ›Confronting the other woman while you are angry, hurt, or irritated will not necessarily improve the situation. Showing your feelings can give her power over you, which she may wield to hurt and wound you with later.
Does a husband have to tell his wife everything? ›
It is important to remember that you do not have to share everything with another person in a relationship. Some things to remember in any relationship: You have the right to privacy in any relationship, including with your spouse, partner, and family.
What is Microcheating? ›Micro cheating refers to acts of seemingly trivial, inappropriate behaviors that occur outside of one's devoted relationship, often done unintentionally.
How do you tell your husband is interested in someone else? ›- He loses interest in the bedroom. ...
- He is on the phone too often. ...
- He deletes history from his gadgets. ...
- He refrains from sharing anything with you. ...
- He is suddenly too conscious of his appearance. ...
- He spends more time at work. ...
- He is more active on social media.
Confronting him and making him feel guilty is enough to hurt him. Just tell him how angry you are and how betrayed you feel. Be honest and express how one moment of lust destroyed years of trust. You can forgive your cheating boyfriend eventually but as Tori rightly said, “Don't ever forget it.”
When your husband has a wandering eye? ›Don't try to "police" your partner's wandering eyes. If your partner's wandering eye creates a problem in your relationship, discuss the issue with them. Start with your own feelings, not with an accusation or criticism. Suggest couple's therapy or attend therapy on your own if your requests are continually ignored.
What to check if you're being cheated on? ›- Improved appearance. ...
- Secretive phone or computer use. ...
- Periods where your significant other is unreachable. ...
- Significantly less, or more, or different sex in your relationship. ...
- Your partner is hostile toward you and your relationship. ...
- An altered schedule.
Each can be a subtle indicator. The physical signs of cheating are the most obvious. This includes spending more time with friends and less with you, avoiding sex, having a random or significantly changed schedule, and changes in their appearance.
Is a wandering eye a red flag? ›Indicators of Infidelity: Relational Red Flags
Such an inclination is often exhibited through the proverbial "wandering eye." Chasing the next conquest, these unrestricted individuals believe that on the dating scene, variety is the spice of life.
There are many bad ways of checking people out on the street. One's behavior might be annoying and threatening, and it might manifest a negative view of women (or men). There are also ways of checking out people that counts as outright harassment and ought to be illegal.
Why does my husband seek female attention? ›If your partner is unhappy in his marriage and is looking for female attention, he just wants it avoid problems, which arose between you. In other words, your husband may be thinking "outside the box" of his marriage and looking for external validation to escape from the current situation.
What is inappropriate flirting when married? ›
Expressing a romantic or sexual interest towards a person outside of your marriage is not only inappropriate flirting, but disrespectful. The spouse typically sees it this way unless you're in an open relationship in which seeking other partners is agreed upon as acceptable.
What causes a man to cheat? ›A study of 495 people revealed eight key reasons: anger, low self-esteem, lack of love, low commitment, need for variety, neglect, sexual desire, and circumstance. 1 It's important to understand that these reasons arise within the cheater and are not the responsibility of the betrayed partner.
Why do guys talk to other females while married? ›The Reasons Behind Pursuing Other Women
Not Getting Your Needs Met in Your Relationship Often, men seek out the affections of other women when they're not getting their needs met at home. They aren't feeling appreciated, or validated, by their wife or girlfriend.
Becoming aware of your husband's infidelity is a painful experience, but it doesn't necessarily mean the end of your relationship. A man can cheat and still wholeheartedly love his wife. Infidelity can happen even in happy marriages, and it's important to understand that it's not your fault.
How do I catch my husband cheating? ›- Contacting a private detective.
- Monitoring mobile activity.
- Observing social networks.
- Installing a tracking application.
- Unexpected visits.
- Maintaining a keen eye and mind for signs.
- Using a baby monitor or spy camera.
* Think affairs happen during the evening, you'd be wrong. Married people are typically home with each other at night, if that suddenly changed it would raise too many red flags. The majority of married people will conduct their affairs in the morning, before work.
What is worse than cheating? ›Lying to your partner
Lying to or hiding things from your partner is a sure-shot way to ruin your relationship. Even if you're doing it to protect them, keeping little things from the person you love can grow into huge problems and cause trust issues.
Affairs usually begin with an attraction to someone you know fairly well, someone you spend time with each week — your friends and co-workers.
Is it illegal to read your spouse's text messages? ›The Electronic Communications Privacy Act (ECPA) is a federal law that makes it a crime to access someone else's private communications without permission. It covers cell phones, computer use, email, social media accounts, and other types of electronic communications.
What to do when you find out your husband is texting another woman? ›- Communicate with him. Save. ...
- Make your bedroom phone-free zone. If you're unsure what to do when your husband is texting another woman, talk to him about his day or things at the office. ...
- Tell him how you feel about it. ...
- Listen to what he has to say. ...
- Offer him solutions.
Is inappropriate texting cheating? ›
Inappropriate texting can be considered cheating depending on a couple's boundaries around fidelity. Signs of a texting affair may include being secretive, keeping your phone down or out of sight, and flirting with others through text.
Who is prone to affairs? ›Research in the field of infidelity reveals that there are three distinct personality types correlated with a higher likelihood of cheating: sociopaths, narcissists, and lonely hearts.
Is talking to another woman considered cheating? ›“Anything you feel like you have to keep a secret from him/her is cheating, regardless of whether it's physical or emotional.” – Eliza J. “Talking to someone suggestively counts as cheating. Emotional cheating can be worse than kissing.” – Julia C.
Is it better to confront someone or leave it? ›So, the answer to the question as to whether or not to confront is only if and when you are fully ready to deal with the possibility of a negative outcome. If you can't go in only looking for your own healing, it's not time to confront.
What not to share with your partner? ›- Weird fantasies that you may have.
- ex boyfriend" title="Things you did with your ex boyfriend" >Things you did with your ex boyfriend.
- Family problems that are a bit too personal.
- Everyday spats with people.
- Anything to do with money.
- Things he does for you that you don't like.
- Be emotionally available. ...
- Say how you feel. ...
- Respond in a positive manner when your partner does tell you something. ...
- Give it time. ...
- Always confront your spouse in a civilised manner. ...
- Learn to trust your partner. ...
- Decide on forgiveness.
ACCORDING to biblical injunction that says: “What God has joined together, let no man put asunder,” there should be no secrecy between the husband and his wife.
What causes affairs to end? ›Affairs usually end in one of three ways: divorce and remarriage, divorce and relationship loss, or the recommitment to the relationship that was betrayed. Each of these resolutions to an affair has its own pros and cons.
What slang do cheaters use? ›- Bedswerver. Definition: “One that is false to the bed; one that ranges or swerves from one bed to another.” ( ...
- Cuckquean. Definition: a woman whose husband is unfaithful to her. ...
- Wittol. Definition: a man who is aware of and submits to his wife's infidelity. ...
- Skimmington. ...
- Adulterine. ...
- Condonation. ...
- Lecherwite.
Micro-cheating is a term for small, sometimes unintentional actions that could be seen as minor infidelity. Examples of micro-cheating include talking to an ex on social media and lying about your relationship status to casual acquaintances.
How do you tell your partner has lost interest in you? ›
- Phone calls and texts have steadily decreased. ...
- Quality time together has started to dwindle. ...
- Intimacy has become scarce. ...
- Things are becoming increasingly one-sided. ...
- He dodges questions about your status or where it is going.
It's natural for people, especially men, to find other people attractive. It's part of our DNA – it's how we were wired. And even when men are happily married, their eyes will be drawn to a beautiful woman. Most of the time they are not even aware of doing it, it's just in their nature.
Why does my husband flirt with other woman? ›According to the research, men flirt for six main reasons: to get sex, to explore what it would be like to be in a relationship, to strengthen a relationship, to try to get something, to increase self-esteem, and, well, to have fun.
What is the pain of a cheating husband? ›The pain of infidelity is unlike any other. It consumes a person, emotionally and physically. It calls forth a roller coaster of primal feelings of rage, abandonment, and loss. And surviving the pain of infidelity takes a herculean effort at a time when the betrayed spouse has nothing left to give.
How do cheaters communicate? ›Cheaters will often use laptops and tablets, and even hidden apps, to communicate with a paramour. A new favorite place for texting is Google Docs. Your partner can claim to be working, rather than sexting with a new lover.
What cheating does to a woman? ›Infidelity can have lasting impacts on partners and children the couple may have. Grief, brain changes, behaviors down the road, and mental health conditions such as anxiety, chronic stress, and depression can result. Some families have been able to move past infidelity with time and therapy.
What to do when you find out your husband is talking to someone else? ›- Communicate with your husband. ...
- Ignore till you have more facts. ...
- Don't accuse him of cheating. ...
- Warm-up to him and join the conversation. ...
- Assume that she might be a friend. ...
- Check for cheating signs. ...
- Don't allow your emotions to control you. ...
- Fix healthy boundaries.
In most cases, it's not a sign of a cheating boyfriend, but it's something anyone would rather not have to deal with in their relationship. Since it's not the best thing to say, “My husband looks at other females online.
What to do when you catch your spouse in a lie? ›Calm down, think, and then deal with the situation. Listen to your partner's explanation and try to understand why they lied. Try to forgive them and leave the lie in the past. Do not remind your partner about past lies every time you are in an argument.
What are classic signs your spouse is cheating? ›Your spouse is suddenly unreachable at certain times of the day. Your spouse changed their password or won't share it with you. Your spouse is always texting or sneaking off to take phone calls. You notice cloud sharing has suddenly been switched off on your devices.
Is it normal for a married man to look at other woman? ›
Yes, it is normal to look at another woman when in a relationship. To be clear, checking out women while in a relationship doesn't mean you are physically or emotionally blind to beautiful women around you. As long as you don't let it pass a few glances, looking at other women is harmless when in a relationship.
Why is my man looking at other woman? ›One of the most common reasons is that they are not satisfied with their current relationship. They may be looking for something that they don't have or someone who is more attractive than their current partner. It's important to remember that it doesn't necessarily mean he wants to leave you for another woman.
How do I get my husband to tell the truth? ›- Go alone and bring food. It's a well-known fact that nobody confesses to a crowd. ...
- Take an empathetic approach. ...
- Don't ask questions. ...
- Cultivate short-term thinking. ...
- Stay in charge of the conversation. ...
- Be presumptuous, not accusatory.
Often, a spouse hides something because they don't feel like they have a safe place to share. Or, they hide something because they are doing something wrong and fear that the truth might hurt you. That being said, the safer you can make the environment, the more likely they are to open up and tell you the truth.
How common is cheating in marriage? ›When you put the data together, about 15-20% of married couples cheat. The rate of cheating increases with age for both married men and married women. In a study titled America's Generation Gap in Extramarital Affairs, 20% of older couples noted that they had cheated during their marriage.